I have very deep feelings of self loathing and they are so ingrained in me that when I look at myself there it is. I am insignificant and inadequate. I don’t change anything or anyone for that matter. I could stop being and I think nobody would really question my disappearance except my mother. And even then she has this perception of what she wants me to be. A little girl with long hair that made faces at the camera.
But I’m not that person anymore. And I am screaming so much on the inside. I hate me and everything that i am. I can’t even make ripples in a puddle let alone waves. I am alone. I have tape over my mouth in case my walls threaten to come down. I am so sick of being open but I need to be and I’m an annoying person who doesn’t have a life line. I am already dead. Doing it would simply be a confirmation of a preexisting mental state.